USC review of the difficulties of belief

The Underground Song Critic’s review of: The Difficulties of Belief

Ever herd of Dragon Tales? The PBS show where two kids find a magical stone that teleports them to an alternate reality where dragons and other mythological species of creatures exist... well, except the Tasmanian Blob… no love for the Tasmanian Blob… anyway, this show was way after my time, but I admit I did watch it when I didn’t have cable… or internet… Those were dark days… well, to my surprise, there is actually fan fiction made of this show, unfortunately. So I picked one of them out to review today. This, is the one-shot Dragon tales fanfic “The Difficulties of Belief” by Angelitus Litus.

Im not gonna lie, this one is crap. I know it was intended to be an angst fic, but its angst for all the wrong reasons. Why is it all pointless? Well, ill tell you. So, dragon scales and cutting razors at the ready, lets dig in.

Ok, we start with Emmy in… a kindergarten class? I always thought she was in first grade or something, kindergarten would be the last possible grade she was in. anyway, in that class, the unnamed teacher starts reading the class a story about dragons… not the kind of dragons Emmy is used to, though… shocked and horrified of the behavior of the dragons in the story instead of remembering that it was written by someone who had obviously never visited Dragon land before (you know, like the REAL CHARACTER!), shes even more terrified of the horrible truth;

Dragons don’t exist… even though, ya know, THIS SHOULDN’T COUNT!

Im well aware that dragons don’t exist, but this story isn’t in OUR universe! This is a world where a completely mystical alternate world is just a wish on an artifact away! To say that dragons don’t exist in the “dragon tales” universe just says that the person in question saying that just never been there before. But for EMMY to take this as “truth” just proves that the WRITER doesn’t know or hasn’t researched Emmy’s character at all, and completely changes her character just to fit the story. If you don’t know how a character works, DON’T WRITE A STORY OF THAT CHARACTER!!!

Later, back at Max and Emmy’s playroom, Max is playing (LIKE HOW THE REAL MAX WOULD ACT) while Emmys too busy crawling in her skin, as these wounds they would never heal. All of a sudden, the scale starts glowing, signaling that the dragons want them to play with them. Max takes out the scale and prompts Emmy to grab hold of one end of it.

["What are you doing?" Emmy asked.]

Let the wall banging commence…

Max stared at his sister as if she had grown two heads. "We're going to Dragon Land!"

"There’s no such thing as dragons," she said angrily, turning away.]

… Emmy, you traveled to a parallel world COUNTLESS times, flew around so much on the back of a living, breathing dragon that now its old news, sampled the foodstuff from said world countless times, endured countless adventures in said world, and NOW, just because ONE HUMAN, WHOS NEVER BEEN TO DRAGON LAND IN HER LIFE, says there’s no such thing, YOU START SAYING IT TOO!?? EMMY, YOURE AN IDIOT

["What do you call this, then?"] Max says, referring to the scale, ALONG WITH ME!

["I don't know, something you picked off the street?"]

Emmy, YOU were the one who pulled that stupid thing out from the cupboard, YOU were the first one to say the damn rhyme, HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT!?? the thing YOU proved can work, The one thing that can snap you back to your senses is SHINING! RIGHT! IN! FRONT! OF! YOUR! STUPID! FACE!!! Angelitus, theres only so many ways I can say WHAT THE HELL!?

Max concludes that Emmy-

["Call me Emily," Emmy said softly.]

… … why the fuck not, HUH!? It’s obvious that you’re NOT THE SAME EMMY FROM THE DAMN SHOW THIS ONE SHOT IS BASED OFF OF, so WHY NOT!!?

Anyway, Max concludes that EMILY is too far gone and decides to go by himself. And so the story ends with Max being teleported to Dragon land, FLASHING LIGHTS AND ALL, and EMILY too busy being emo to see it and realize how out of character she is! Sweet Jesus H. Christ; vampire hunter!, thank god that this was only a one shot, this fic sucks! The plot only works for idiots, the main character is so out of character it isn’t funny, and the most scorn of all goes to the writer herself, not doing her fucking research on the freaking show SHE made a fic about, instead going out of her way to make Emmy look emo… UGH, this fic cant be real… …